Chapter 30

Gary's POV

There's a coldness in the pit of my stomach whilst I sit on the edge of the bed, my eyes dart from Robbie then to Mark, before releasing a heavy sigh. "...What are we going to do?"
"Ring the police!" Robbie pipes up, as he hurries to his feet.
"No!" Taking a tight grip to his wrist, I pull the taller man back onto the bed. "That's the last thing we need, more attention. There's no chance budging them now, not what they know."
"And what is there to know? Two people being in love is suddenly a crime? Jesus Christ." Throwing his hands in front of his face, clearly this is upsetting Robbie just as much as me, even if he's trying to hide it. "I haven't been this happy in years and a bunch of twats have to go and ruin it all." Lifting a hand onto Robbie's back, softly I run my fingertips along his spine trying to calm the younger male down. After a few minutes I finally come to a decision.
"Mark...?" The words almost leave my mouth in a whisper.
"Yeah?" Looking just as nervous as me, he continues to lean against the wall for support.
"I want you to go back out there...to Howard and the paps...OK?" Mark frowns his eyebrows by my demand. "OK...? And you must lock the door behind you."
"Uh...sure...if that's what you want." Taking the key from the kitchen table, as soon as Mark leaves the front door, the sound of camera flashes and clicks fill my ears and causes a shudder to run through Robbie's body. The Paparazzi is one of Robbie's worst enemies, there's no wonder he's acting the way he is about the whole situation.

"Rob?" Tugging at his hands, trying to remove them from his face, he avoids eye contact with me. "Nah uh...no avoiding me...we need to discuss what we're going to do with that lot out there..."
Robbie carelessly shrugs his shoulders, keeping his guard sky high. "I don't care, Gaz. What does it have to do with anyone else? All they want is the cash they make from our stories...which they are going to twist you know that, right?" Seeing the hurt in his slightly reddened eyes, my heart strings are tightly being pulled.
"I know... they're the scum of the earth... I know that, Rob. Maybe if we go out there now, then maybe we can tell our story... before they change it word for word I mean."
"I don't know, Gaz. Are we even ready to tell the world?" He has a point, a very good point in fact.
"To be honest, I don't know how to even answer that question. Today has really fucked up my feelings and thoughts...I'm just trying to make some kind of sense in all of this. Do we hide? Or what do we do?"
"Hiding isn't an option. They already know about us." Robbie once again points out, ruling off a thought. "As soon as we land back in the UK in a few days time, we are going to be bombarded with thousands of news reporters and our paps are twenty times worse than these other here. There's no escape until one of us dies."
"Stop that." Snapping by his comment, my blood begins to boil just thinking about all of this. "That isn't going to happen and so what, it's not like we are not use to having cameras shoved in our faces twenty four seven is it?"

"Alright, there's no need taking it out on me, is it?! None of this would of happened if we were more careful."
"And that's my fault is it? You're the care free one, not me, maybe you should listen to me more and maybe we wouldn't be in this mess!" Glaring my eyes into the direction of my lover, my chest rapidly rises and falls.
"Oh so its all my fault now? Easy target aye? Always been the case. I want a partner not to be turned into a fucking puppet!"
His words hit me like a slap in the face. Neither of us is to blame and by arguing over it isn't going to make matters easier. Our main focus is getting our lives on track. "...I shouldn't of said that, forgive me...?" Robbie crosses his arms across his chest, moving his gaze away from mine. "...Rob, please? We need to work together...I love you, OK?" Sliding my arms around to his stomach, tightly I hold onto him from behind, resting my cheek against his back. The tension drops from Robbie's body by my soft embrace. Unfolding his arms, he places a hand onto my thigh.
"I love you too...but I can't help feeling this way. I'm scared. I'm scared what they're going to do, trying all they can to split us up... I can't lose you, Gaz." A crack forms on my heart by the sight of his terrified face.

"That is the last thing which is going to happen...I'm never going to let you go...I mean that... fights, arguments, disagreements...nothing is going to end us...I mean that." Using the palm of my hand, I grip it to the bottom of his chin, dragging his lips over mine. A burst of energy runs through my veins from the taste of Robbie's lips, I've been craving them for a while and they are good for healing nerves. Releasing my arms from his body, gently he lays me backwards. Now on top, he takes control of the kiss, sliding his tongue inside my mouth, flicking it against mine. The look now showing in his eyes automatically brings a smile to my face once he pulls away, warmth throbs in my chest watching the concentration on his face whilst he carefully removes my vest top, discarding it carelessly behind him. "...Feeling better...?" Words finally form together, as I arch my back feeling aroused, as he traces his tongue across my collar bone.
Faintly he mumbles the word "No." Which is barely audible to my buzzing ears. Continuing his work, he plants kisses onto my torso, before unexpectedly biting down sharply onto one of my nipples.
"Ah!" Swiftly I sit upright, which causes me to come face to face with a pair of innocent looking eyes and a teasing smile. Scolding him with that you are going to get it now look, I throw my arms around the back of his neck. "...In that case... I better do something to cheer you up, right?" Not giving him chance to answer my question, forcefully I pull him flat beside me onto the bed.

Robbie's eyes widen as I straddle his hips, stroking the bottom of his stomach delicately with my fingertips. "Gaz..." Weakly he moans, as I lightly palm him through his shorts.
"Shhhh..." Placing a finger over his lips, slowly I crawl off the bed, sinking to my knees so my chin now sits on the edge of the bed, whilst his legs rest on my back and shoulders. "I'm going to make you feel relaxed before we go out there, OK? We haven't got much time before one of the boys come back in or before the paps end up knocking the door down... so less talking the better..." Pressing my hands firmly against his hips where his shorts cling to, gradually I peel them down his legs along with his briefs. Tossing his clothing to one side of the room, comfortably I position myself with my elbows on the bed and my backside resting on the backs of my ankles. Without wasting any time immediately I form a tight fist around his semi hard erection.
"Oh....god..." He drops his head backwards into the mattress as I steady pulsate my grip against him.
"We're in this together...no matter what happens out there... we will always have each other...I promise you..." Robbie nods his head, clearly not listening to a single word I'm saying. Grinning to myself feeling pleased with the state Robbie's in, teasingly I drag the tip of my tongue from the base of his member, increasing my fist instantly once I've reached his tip.
"Oh...yeah...I like your tongue..." Loudly he grunts. "I've...I've missed it."
Silently laughing, I bring my mouth closer to his erection, breathing my warm breath again his wet skin. "...Just...my tongue?"
"Well uh-" Abruptly cutting off his comment, I close my lips around him, taking him to the back of my throat. "Oh fucking 'ell, Gary!" By using my full name, its turns me on even more, but my focus is on making Robbie relax, not myself. Massaging him in the same speed of my mouth, I increase my speed rapidly, driving him even more insane once I sneakily add a finger inside his entrance. Pulling off his erection only briefly, the taste of his pre come dances on my taste buds, only luring me back in for a second time. Claiming my mouth with his shaft, I wriggle another finger in so that I'm now hitting that spot deep inside of him. Thrusting my mouth along his entire shaft, he arches his back whilst his legs tightly wrap around the back of my neck, pushing my mouth deeper onto him. "I...I...Jesus..."

Sounding hoarse, I feel his muscles clench around my fingers. Within seconds, not even allowing me to give him permission to let go, he goes ahead anyway. His come dribbles down my chin as he shoots his load to the back of my throat. "Hmm..." Appreciatively I purr admiring my own work.
"Fuck! Oh good god..." Shakily he collapses backwards onto the bed, looking spent with his chest promptly dropping and falling. Removing my mouth from his softening member as soon as I've swallowed every last drop, I wipe my chin with the back of my hand, lightly smiling over at the man who looks exhausted.
"Feeling better?" Standing to my feet, my fingers circle around his bare kneecap.
Nodding his head, faintly he smiles as he forces open one of his eyes. "With your magic touch...I always do..."
"Same about you..." Happily I sigh, as I skip back into the bathroom. Carrying half a roll of toilet roll, I hand him some of the tissue. "...Got to make sure you're clean before you're plastered all over the news, ay?" Sadly I smile. Rubbing his back painfully from the awkward position he's been laying in, he releases a groan whilst sitting back up. Speedily Robbie cleans himself up, before wrapping the duvet around his lower half.
"It wont be all bad, you know?" Reassuring me with a smile, he plants a tender kiss against my throbbing temple.
"You think so?"
"I know so..." Glancing around the room for his clothing, he begins to get dressed again. Even with a half naked Robbie Williams standing in front of me, I have to paint a smile onto my face, the thoughts of what will happen with the press has dampened my mood completely. "...Tonight we are going to draw a line...if we're going to confess to the world about the pair of us...then before we go out there...I want us to confess any secrets we have...now."

My heart drops like a lead weight by his words. "...S...Secrets?"
"Yes. If we're serious about each other...then this is the perfect time to discuss any demons or anything we've kept from each other...I'm serious about you Gary... and I'm willing to talk anything through with you..." Tightly he pulls me into a hug. The warmth from his body still manages to cause a shiver to run down my spine just by thinking about what Jason told me. Maybe he's right...maybe I should confess my demons...maybe I will be able to sleep with it off my chest.

Chapter 29

Robbie's POV

"That was a lovely gesture which the lads did for us. I wish the party didn't get gatecrashed, i heard Mark mention fireworks? Now that would of been amazing to see. Hopefully we can set them off before we head back home, what do you say?" Gary kicks off his flip flops, which slide underneath the bed. Sitting on the bottom of the bed, my eyes flick from watching Gary's shadow on the wall to staring vaguely at the blank screen on the TV. "Rob? Are you listening?"
"Uh? Oh yeah, fireworks. Yeah they're nice."
Gary smirks, whilst crawling down to the bottom of the bed behind me. "You're not listening to a single word I'm saying, are you?"
"Of course i am. You said about the fireworks you saw on TV last night."
Gary shakes his head and tugs my earlobe in between his thumb and index finger. "I'll take that as a no then."
"You and your bloody strange ear fetish." Nudging my elbow against his chest, i continue drowning myself in my thoughts.
"You love it really." Gary acts like a cat, purring against the back of my neck. Ignoring his mood, my teeth grip to my thumb nail. Could it really be? Its been happening right underneath my nose and i never suspected a thing. "Rob?" Faintly a voice speaks. Maybe I'm just over looking this, maybe they haven't spent enough time together, because I've been smothering and keeping Gary all to myself? "Robbie?" Surly if that's true, then it would be the same with the other lads. Mark probably more, he's the small worrier of the band and prefers Gary's calming comfort the most. Although Howard is the one Gary looks out for the most, the shy one of the band who rarely gets a say so. Am i really that stupid? "ROB!" Hands grip to the tops of my shoulders, giving my body an aggressive shake.

"AH!" Jumping out of my skin, i almost end up falling flat on my face. Gary sits back on his knees, with a concerned look forming on his face. "What the fuck, Gaz? Trying to give me a heart attack or something?" Holding my chest, my eyes widen at the male.
"What's the matter? I've been calling your name constantly and you've just been staring into space. You're not ill are you? Feeling faint again?" Tenderly he places two fingers against my forehead. Lashing out from the shock and over thinking, slapping away his hand we break contact.
"I'm fine."
"Clearly you're not." Bluntly Gary now speaks, getting even more worried yet frustrated with me. "What's going on?"
Stroking along my temples and down to my cheek bone, softly i mutter under my breath. "Like you care."
Stunned by my comment, Gary stares up at me whilst furrowing a brow. "Excuse me? Where's this coming from?"
"You tell me." Bluntly i reply.
Gary's eyes frantically search my face, as an uneasy smile curls at the corners of his mouth. "Is this some kind of joke?"
"Do we have guilty conscience, Gary?"
"This is ridiculous. What have I even done? You've been giving me the cold shoulder all night! Did you not enjoy the party or something? That's pretty ungrateful."
"Oh, I enjoyed the party all right. With my two best friends."

Gary frowns his lips. "Two best friends? And that means?"
Turning around on the spot, my eyes glare at the puzzled man now in front of me. "What's been going on, Gary? Do you really think I wasn't going to find out?"
Words fail to leave Gary's mouth, as shock spreads across his face. "W-What?"
"I knew it." Softly i mumble. "I bloody knew it. Why Gary? Why keep secrets?! Jason he is...He was our friend. Oh, god this is making me feel sick." Nervously, after waiting a couple of seconds, Gary places a supportive hand onto my shoulder. "Don't!" I spit, falling to my feet. "You're disgusting! I can't bare to look at you." My voice trembles and my knees feel weak.
"Rob listen i-"
"Why?! Why did you string me along if you were just going to end up sneaking around with my best mate?" Rising my voice, the room begins to spin.
Gary blinks his eyes and shakes his head by my words. "N...no...oh god...no Rob." Pushing himself up and off the bed, swiftly he walks into my direction. "God, no. Its not like that, honest!"
"I need to be alone." Is the only words I'm able to mutter. The lies are the last things i need to hear right now.
"Rob, honestly. Me and Jason...its not like that...I swear to you! I would never ever cheat on you and definitely it wouldn't be with one of the lads."
"And how do I know you're telling me the truth, eh? You've been getting cosy with him ever since we arrived here."
Breathing out a sigh, Gary's voice becomes hoarse. "That's not true. Me and Jason...well we-"
"Is it because I've been claiming you too much? Is that why you have been wanting to be with him more? I just wanted to spend as much time with you as i could until we get the paps shoving cameras into our faces left right and frigging centre."
"Don't be daft. I'm glad we're spending time together." Coiling an arm around my waist, he walks me back towards the bed. "Jason... he... well he..." Running his fingers along his jaw line, firmly he closes his eyes. "...He's been going through...some stuff...that's all."
"Stuff? What stuff? Why hasn't he told us?" Shakily i question, finally feeling the room slow down once again.
"You've only just got out of hospital. He didn't want to bother you with his problems did he? Howard has his own problems and Mark well...you know how much Mark worries. I guess problems would of been added if he spoke to one of them. That is all I've been doing, i swear to you." Reassuring me, gently he nuzzles his face against my chest.
Sensing Gary's guilt, forms a lump in my throat. "I'm...I'm sorry...then." Clearing my throat, my eyes latch onto my fingers. "I guess I'm wrong...once again."

"Hey...don't put yourself down." Wrapping his arms around my stomach, carefully he pulls me to the top of the bed. "I don't blame you. You've had a rough couple of days, I should be looking after you."
"I'm not a child."
"And I wasn't planning on treating you like one either." Delicately he nibbles against my earlobe, whilst he arms remain tightly around my frame.
Outstretching my neck, i shrug my shoulders against his chest. "Gaz. Leave my ears alone."
"Soz." He grumbles, as his lips tickle against my neck. "Do you forgive me?"
"Don't really have a choice, do I? Besides... I'm the one who should be apologising. I do trust you... I really do its just-"
"Ssssh..." Pressing a finger against my lips, my words are unspoken. "Don't speak... lets just sit here for a while." Is the last thing he says, before the silence creeps in. Gary's hands snake up the front of my shirt, skimming his fingers against my bare torso, as he releases an audible sigh of relief. Lolling my head backwards, lightly my head falls into the crook of his neck. Closing my eyes briefly, slowly i inhale Gary's scent. The scent which instantly brings me comfort. Lifting a hand, it clings to Gary's bare shoulder, as my leg wraps around his waist. Feeling Gary's fingertips stroke each one of my pecs, sends me into drowsy state.

Gary's POV

The vibrations against my chest is the only thing stopping me from drifting off into my own world. The world of scolding and over thinking. Today was close, so close. Thankfully Robbie got the wrong end of the stick. Looking down at the figure cradled in my arms, his lips are slightly parted, allowing warm air to hit against my chest. Such a fragile man, even if he does put on his manly act. Deep down he's just as weak as every other human being. Pecking my lips against his forehead, my head drops against his, holding him closer, not wanting to let go, not wanting to lose him. Suddenly, the sound of the lock scraping, causes my ears to stand on end. I could of sworn I locked the front door. Glancing down at Robbie, he continues to silently snore with his limbs tightly wrapped around my body. Great. Someone is our apartment and there's no way I can move. "Gaz? Rob?" A whispering voice speaks from within the living room area. "Guys, are you here?" Footsteps shuffle outside the bedroom door. Breathing a sigh of relief, I narrow my eyes into the direction of the dark shadow.
"In 'ere, lad." Muttering as quiet as possible, my arms tighten around Robbie's body, as the door creaks open. Standing now at the doorway is a very nervous looking Mark Owen. Shining a smile into his direction, using my free hand I flick on the dull bedside lamp. "Mate, now isn't a good time. Rob's shattered. He's had a pretty rough day and its not down to the party, don't worry about that."
"Oh...er...did he say why? Do you already know?"
"Know what?" Trying my best, I hutch myself up against the pillows behind me. "Is there something I'm missing here?"
Deeply Mark sighs whilst pinching the bridge of his nose. "Howard's outside..."
"Er...right? Is there any reason why that is?"
"I don't know how to tell you, I don't want to be the reason for causing any trouble or causing Rob anymore stress."
Feeling slightly frustrated with the worried looking man, I frown my eyebrows up at him. "Just spit it out, lad."
"Well...well the thing is. When we left the beach... we got collared."
"By whom exactly?"
Raking a hand through his hair, he confesses. "The...The paps, Gaz. They know. They know about you and Rob. Somehow from somewhere they caught you, holding hands on the beach."
"You're kidding..." The world has suddenly fallen back onto my shoulders like a ton of bricks.
"I wish I was, Gaz. They're outside your room as we speak. They're refusing to budge without knowing if yours and Robbie's relationship is real. I'm sorry to say, but your secret is out." If things couldn't of got any worse, they sure have now.

Chapter 28

Gary's POV

The sound of shuffling manages to disturb me from my light sleep. Robbie quietly tip toes into the bathroom, leaving me alone in bed. I've barely slept last night after what had happened, i don't know how much more of this i can keep up. Lying to Robbie is killing me inside. Wrapping the duvet closer towards my neck, i nuzzle my cheek against the pillow. The toilet flushes, causing me to quickly close my eyes again. Within seconds, the bed sag as a figure crawls into the empty space behind me. Very gently, a hand strokes against my bare back, where it stays there for a brief moment. The warmth of his hand still manages to cause goosebumps to form onto my skin and sends tingles into the pit of my stomach. Trailing his hand around to my stomach, his fingertips move into a circular motion around my navel. Moving even more closer to me with his fingers still running around my skin, Robbie places his chin onto my shoulder, whilst his lips skillfully trace the tensed vein in my neck. Its quite obvious that I'm awake, I've never been any good at pretending anyway. Folding his arms around me, the slight gap in between our bodies is closed, as my back firmly presses against his torso, allowing me to feel his steady breathing shirtless chest. My eyes remain shut, until i hear the faint buzz of a voice speak against my ear. "...Morning gorgeous..." Followed by a trail of soft kisses along my jaw line. At first i refuse to surrender to Robbie's morning greetings of kisses and cuddles, but right now after last night, they are exactly what i need, at least this way i don't have to suffer in silence being harmed by my thoughts. Fluttering my eye lids, a silent sigh escapes my slightly parted lips, before stretching my arms out in front of me. "Been awake long?" The same voice questions. Turning over very slowly onto my side, i come face to face with the younger man, the brightness of his green eyes is nearly enough to blind me, for some reason i feel like I'm hungover, I'm not feeling my usual self.

Peering through my heavy eyelids, sleepily i smile. "Not really... just been thin-...erm... relaxing... how are you?"
"Yeah...I'm fine... much better sleeping in a bed instead of that crap brick i had to sleep on the other night. Not surprised so many people die in hospitals laying on a thing like that! Besides... at least i get a good morning cuddle with a half naked you..."
"Lucky you..." Sarcastically i smirk, keeping my eyes semi closed. Robbie pecks against my ear, making me squirm under his touch. "Hmmm..." Nuzzling my head onto my pillow, i try and break away from his touch. Stroking his hand down my abdomen, his fingers tickle against my groin. "Hmm...don't..." I grumble. Robbie chooses to ignore my demand, as his hand begins to cup me, creating a slow gentle massage. "Rob. Don't." Pushing his hand away from me, i hutch myself up in the bed. " I've only just woken..." Causing a look of offence to enter Robbie's face.

Robbie tears away one of his arms which was fixed around my waist. "Erm...Y...yeah...s...sorry..." Blushing slightly, he places a hand onto my face, noticing the tiredness still in my eyes. Carefully he caresses my cheek, lowering his voice. "You look shattered, Gaz. Looks like you have been in hospital, not me and i don't mean that in a horrible way... are you going to talk to me about what exactly happened last night?" Fiddling with the silk on the duvet, i choose to ignore the contact with his piercing eyes. What kind of relationship am i leading with him? All I'm doing is lying to him. "Gary...? You can't keep putting this off mate... honesty is the key...right?" Still, i try my best to brush off his comments. Why did i let him know i was awake? At least he wasn't asking questions then. "Gaz!" Sharply he speaks in my ear, which is enough to make any person jump out of their skin by the unexpected change of tone.
"W...What?!"
"Will you look at me when i am speaking to you, please?" Robbie's always been the person who is so easily annoyed or angered. He's the one in the band with the temper and always will be. If something is upsetting him or if someone is pissing him off, he'll make sure they know about it. "Now, are you going to tell me? I can't be doing with guessing or trying to read your mind. You heard the Doctor, stress isn't needed right now...unless you want a repeat of what happened a couple of days ago?"
"No!" Loudly i snap. "No...of course i don't want that...how could you possibly think i would want that?" Tenderly i press my palms against the dark wiry hair on his chest.
"Because you're not telling me anything, Gary. You've been acting strange lately and i don't fucking like it. It makes me worry and it causes me to over think things. Everytime i ask you something, you just seem to tense up and brush it under the carpet. People don't randomly burst into tears for no sodding reason unless they're allowing things to secretly build up inside their heads. What is going on?"

Hearing Robbie's sudden increase of voice, causes me to stay still without moving an inch of my body. We sit in silence for a few minutes, as i try to absorb what he's just said whilst i conjure up another set of lies. "I...Its...Its nothing." I mumble ever so quietly, whispering it in fact.
"Nothing? So you're going to pull that card with me? What do you expect, eh Gaz? For me to say 'oh alright then' no. I'm sorry, but that's not fitting with me. Your mouth tells me one thing, but your eyes tell me another." Rubbing the sleep out from his eyes, he becomes impatient with me. "I want answers, Gary. If i don't get any then what am i even doing here? What am i even doing in this bed with you?" Slinging his legs over the side the bed, he rips back the duvet, facing his back now to me as his head rests in his hands. "Sometimes...when i look at you... its hard to tell if you do actually feel the same way i feel about you or am i just one of the lads to you? Just a friend or band mate? Because right now, i certainly do not feel like your lover." Sadly he speaks. Forcefully i pluck up some courage to try and stop him from over thinking the situation. They're far from the truth.
"That...That isn't true..." Softly i place a hand onto his tensed shoulder.
"Then what is Gary? What is the truth? Why are you hiding your feelings from me if i mean anything to you, you would fucking tell me! Do you even love me? Or do you not trust me?"
"Don't even go there! Of course i bloody love you, more than what you'll ever know."
"Oh, yeah? Then tell me! Tell me what you're hiding from me and don't you even think about backing away again."
It feels as if I'm losing my breath, becoming claustrophobic in Robbie's company. "Can you just drop it?"
"NO! I'm not leaving this room until you tell me, got it?"
"I'm not a child, Rob." Pulling back the covers, i head towards the door, right now i can't be doing with being treated this way. He doesn't need to know the truth. Just as i reach for the door handle, immediately he slams it shut, before gripping onto my shoulders.
"Don't even think about running away from me."

Feeling slightly angered by being locked in the bedroom like a prisoner, i can't help but allow my eyes to scan his naked body. Does he really expect me to take him seriously when he's standing completely naked in front of me? "I'm not running anywhere."
"Then talk to me! Don't try and escape when i ask you these questions... please Gaz...I'm not here to upset you... I'm pressuring you, because i care about you... i care about us..."
"I care about us too...that's why..."
"Why what? Why you're hiding this?"
Taking a deep breath, in defeat i merely nod my head in response. "Yes..."
"OK... you're protecting our relationship... well how exactly are you doing that? What are you protecting it from..." The desperation in his eyes is too much. There's no point in trying wriggle myself out of this one. Bowing my head, securely i hold to his hand, removing it from my shoulder.
"I...I don't know how to tell you..."
"Come on, Gaz. Just let it out... you'll feel a lot better, trust me. I'm here for you and i promise not to go anywhere." That's a promise I'll hold him to.
"W...We...Well...the thing is..." Swallowing dryly, my eyes glance into view with his. "T...The...thing is...well... when-"
"Rob? Gaz?" Very lightly a knock sounds in front of me on the closed door. Robbie shakes his head, instantly taking my hand, where he drags me to the other side of the room.
"Ignore him. He'll go..."
"But..." Looking back over towards the bedroom door, i see a shadow underneath it. "He can hear us...he's already heard us."
"Gary, stop making excuses!"
"Guys? I can hear you? Is everything OK?" Mark remains the other side of the door, waiting to be allowed entry.
Persuading Robbie with my eyes, with a roll of his eyes he walks back over to the door, swinging it open in pure annoyance. "What do you want Mark?" Sounding peeved, he asks the smaller male.

"Oh...er...did...did i interrupt...erm..." Mark shields his eyes from the view of his naked friend.
"No. We wasn't... you know. What do you want?"
Reaching for my shorts, i release a sigh. "Rob, let him in." Doing as i say, Robbie steps aside letting a nervous looking Mark inside. "Hiya, Marko." Wrapping an arm around him, gently i pat his back whilst my eyes fix onto Robbie, who quietly slides a pair of boxers on from the messy pile of clothes on the floor.
"Hey, Gaz. I've just quickly popped round if you don't mind?"
"Course not. Is everything OK?"
Happily, he takes a seat onto the edge of the bed. "Yeah, sure is...just wanted to ask the pair of you something..."
"Alright...take your kit off lad... the bed's already got its covered ripped off...so we're ready for you..." Playfully Robbie laughs, causing Mark to instantly blush.
"N...No...i mean not that! Erm...i don't have anything against...er...but..i er..."
"I'm joking lad." He plonks down beside Mark on the bed. "So... what do you wanna ask?"
"Oh er... Well i can't really say... because its a surprise, but is it possible the pair of you could meet us on the beach...lets say... half an hour?"
Both me and Robbie look at one another, feeling intrigued by Mark's comment. "Yeah...don't see why not? Is there a dress code?"
"Nah...not really, but if you can pick Gary some nice stylish clothes out Rob, that will be fab. I would do it, but I'm rather busy at the moment..."
"Oi! Cheeky git." Softly i push him, pretending to be offended. "Give us a few minutes and we'll be ready."
--------------------------

Robbie's POV

"We can talk about it you know?" Wrapping an arm around Gary's shoulder, lazily i smile over at him.
"About...?"
"What you were going to tell me, before Mark walked in?"
"Oh..." Once again, Gary shys away from the topic. "But we're almost here now... and i much prefer to talk when we're alone... i don't want the lads butting in... can we just enjoy ourselves tonight? We've got plenty of time to talk...besides I'm feeling much better..."
As much as i don't want to let him slip away from the conversation, i go ahead and agree to drop it for tonight. He's right. After ending up in hospital, that has already been a downer on the holiday, we don't want any more...that's what being at home is for.
"Any idea where we are going?" Searching around the empty beach, the only sound which can be heard is the faint squawking coming from the seagulls, pecking at dead sea life on the sand. "Surly Mark wouldn't of given us the wrong location? I mean... the other beach isn't until a good few hours away...and that's by frigging taxi!"
"No... Mark wouldn't have got it wrong... he's much more brighter than what we give him credit for." Gary sniggers.
"Yeah...guess so... lets just take a stroll until we see them... and if we don't... then we'll make our own surprise back at the hotel, ay?" I knock my shoulder against Gary's cheekily.
"Full of surprises, aren't you Mr Williams?" Nudging me against the ribs with his elbow, he bites his bottom lip.
"Can you blame me?" Trailing my fingers down his arm, our fingers interweave together. Gary immediately looks at our clasped hands with a mere look of shock on his face.
"Erm...can we...?"
"Sod it. If the paps want to get a photo of the two of us holding hands, then go ahead. I'm not avoiding things to please other people."
"B...But maybe... we should take things slow... on the outside world..." Gary's hand slips away from mine, creating confusion.
"Are you emb-"
"SURPRISE!" Out of nowhere two familiar faces jump out in front of the pair of us, catching us off guard.

"Fucking hell!" Startled, i blink my eyes at the two grinning faces. Howard pulls Gary into an embrace, whilst he tries to catch his breath back.
"Did we scare you, Rob?" Grinning widely, Mark wraps his arms around my waist.
"Yeah, knobhead." I grunt, before holding him in my arms, giving him a little swing. Letting go of Mark, we change position so now Howard is in front of me.
"We orginised a little party... a get together... just the five of us... to congratulate the pair of you." Shyly he smiles, whilst patting me on the back during the hug. "We really are happy for you."
"Oh...guys..." Speaking in a cheerful tone, I catch Gary starting to well up. "We really are thankful...aren't we Gaz? " Gripping tightly to his hand, i give it a light squeeze and this time he doesn't decide to pull away.
"Too right... words cannot describe." With Gary continuing to chatter away, my eyes are drawn to a figure who sits on the sunbed in the distance.
"Is that...?" Pointing into the direction of the man, the three heads turn to where my finger rests.
"Yeah uh!" Mark looks like an excited little boy. "He came back in the early hours of the morning. Wanted to surprise ya."
"Did he say where he had been?" I ask, rising my eyebrow feeling slightly annoyed that Jason disappeared the way he did with a say so to anyone. Mark opens his mouth to speak, but Gary almost immediately cuts him off.
"That's Jason's business...isn't it? " Letting go of my hand, he walks up towards the pathway, where a set of chairs rest with a table full of booze and food
"Oh? Er...yeah...of course..." Why is he annoyed at me for caring about a friend? Frowning my eyebrows by Gary's reaction to my question, for now i choose to ignore it.
-----------------------

An hour into the party and Ive barely seen Gary. Ever since we've arrived here Gary and Jason have sat away from us, having their own conversation. Howard uses the metal bottle opener to remove the cap from his larger, before sitting next to me in one of the deck chairs. "Everything alright, Bob?" He asks, whilst using his hand to shade his eyes from the sun.
Snapping my gaze away from the pair in the near distance, i shake my head, clenching onto my glass containing sparkling water.
"Huh? Oh, yeah... I'm swell mate." Forcefully i smile. "Where's Markie?"
"Private call." Howard winks. "Probably the secret missus... you know our Mark. He'll be married before we've met her...or him."
"True that..." Sighing under my breath, i take a gulp of the water, still continuing to watch Gary out the corner of my eye.
"Something troubling you, Rob? You didn't plan anything tonight did you? Don't want you to think we're trying to keep the pair of you apart."
"Hey!" Nudging his knee gently. "Of course we don't think that. This is a lovely gesture! Its just some other things which I'm thinking about, but I'm fine...honest." Giving him a fake smile, i try and focus my eyes else where.
"Its only just the beginning... we've planned much more than food, drink and music. As soon as it gets darker... you'll see." Mischievously, Howard grins.
"Gotta love surprises."

"Especially ours!" Mark re appears, tucking his mobile into his shirt pocket. "Ey...whats the deal with those two?" Squinting his eyes, he looks over the top of my head. Tilting my head over my shoulder, i latch my eyes onto the two men. Gary hits his finger against Jason's chest, almost causing him to fall off the sunbed. Jason raises his voice, but the his words are inaudible to us. "I knew something was the matter when Gaz turned up today. I just thought he was pissed at me for invading your time alone." Gary pinches the bridge of his nose, inhaling a deep breath, as if he's regretting something he's just said to Jason. Lifting his head, whilst his hands cup together, his eyes finally manage to focus onto mine. A slight look of shock fills his eyes, as he glances back at Jason sheepishly. "They are both acting odd...if i must say so...do you think so Rob?"
"Mark, mate...what have i told you about over thinking these things?"
"I know Dougie, its just... how's Gary been acting with you, Rob?"
Mark's words sound a blur to me right now. Tapping my finger against my glass, Gary carries on his conversation, looking even more agitated than before.
"Maybe they're having an affair, Makie." Howard jokes, which causes Mark to erupt into laughter. Right now, i don't see that as a joke. They've been avoiding the three of us all night, as soon as me and Gary arrived here, he grabbed a few beers, a plate of food and swiftly made his way over to Jason. All night they've been engaged in conversation. There's a feeling in my gut which i extremely dislike when i look at the two of them together and how they're acting around one another. Are they having disagreements? Or is there something there which isn't hatred? I don't think i can take anymore heart ache in my life... Maybe this is part of what Gary wanted to tell me?  Have I really been that blind?

Chapter 27

Robbie's POV

Skimming my fingertips across the man's face who is still sound asleep in my arms, quietly i breathe a sigh of happiness. Carefully i plant a kiss tenderly onto his collar bone, nuzzling my nose against his neck where i inhale his scent. His scent has never changed. I still feel that this is all a fantasy, me being in a relationship with Gary that is, as cheesy as it sounds. A good few years back me and Gary weren't the best of friends, mainly to do with the fact of me verbally abusing him due to my suffering. I loved him, of course i did, but i was hurting and i wanted him to feel my pain. To be honest before going into rehab i didn't think i would survive to see another year, but here i am and happier than what I've ever been in my life and its mainly down to this man here. Lightly i brush the back of my hand against his stubble. Getting lost in my own little world, instantly i am brought back down to reality, as the door swings open. "Rob, I've got your-"
"Sssshh..." Bringing my finger to my lips, i hush the male who's marched into my room carrying a shopping bag in his hand. Howard stops in his actions, noticing Gary still curled up in my arms.
"Oh...soz, mate." Tip toeing into the room, quietly he places the bag on the floor. "Has he been there all night?"
Nodding my head, my fingers still continue to stroke his messy looking hair. "Yeah...was shattered, bless him."
Taking a step closer, Howard looks Gary deeply in the face whilst he remains in the same position. "Are you sure that's all it is...?" He asks, sounding concerned. Furrowing my eyebrows into his direction, slowly i lose eye contact with the older man, as i glance down at Gary's face.
"W...What do you mean...?"
"Look at him, Rob. Look how pale his face is and that redness under his eyes. Sure everything's OK between the pair of you...? Has he said anything?"

Blinking my eyes a couple of times, i stare at Gary's face before speaking again. "He told me he was worried about me... that was all... i guess that's why he looked so tired? I do look after him...i mean i probably don't do a good enough job but-"
"No, no. I didn't mean it like that, Rob. I was just concerned seeing him like that. You're probably right. I mean of course he's going to be worried about you ending up here, we all are and i don't blame him for hardly sleeping or not sleeping at all. Just so you know, we are always here for either of you."
Swallowing hard, i continue to watch over Gary, holding him tighter in my arms. "T...Thanks mate...means a lot." Forcefully i smile. "Where's the other two?"
"Oh, well the thing is...Jay didn't go back to his room last night."
"He didn't? Where did he go or stay even?"
Howard shrugs, whilst plonking down into the chair beside the bed, which Gary's shorts are neatly placed over the arm rest. "No idea. When he left yesterday, that was the last time me and Mark saw him. Was kinda hoping Gary was awake to tell us that he spoken to him at all, he's a grown man i know, but still there's that worry in the back of your mind."
"I know what you mean, mate. To be honest...it does sound weird, especially after the way he walked out yesterday. Gary didn't mention anything when he came back, so i doubt he did. Then again you know what Jay's like when he's on holiday..." Playfully i wink.
"Yer...i know that...just wish he wouldn't, you know? A simple text to one of us would be nice. Markie said he would let me know if he-" Howard's sentence is cut off by the sound of faint mumbling. Both of our eyes are drawn to the figure laying in the bed next to me.
"No...don't...please..." Gary begins to move his head gently against the pillow.

"Ayup. Someone's dreaming." Quietly Howard sniggers, as Gary starts to stir in his sleep.
"P...P...please...don't do this..." Groaning in his sleep, Gary's words start to become clearer. It sounds as if he's having a nightmare?
"Gaz?" Lightly i shake him, until Howard stops me.
"I wouldn't wake him, Rob." Now whispering, we continue to watch Gary's increased movements and pained looking facial expressions. "You're not suppose to wake them, are you?"
"You...can't do this...I'm begging you...begging..." For some reason, Gary has started to breathe in a strange way. His chest rises only half way, as the sound of deep breathing leaves his mouth, almost as if he's just ran a marathon none stop.
"We can't leave him like it though? Look at him!" Starting to panic, i take Gary's hand in mine allowing him to squeeze it.
"R...R...Rob?!"
"Gaz? Wake up. You're having a bad dream." Sitting myself up in the bed, Gary digs his finger nails deeply into my hand, turning his knuckles white in an instant.
"Don't...no...i can't watch...get off him! Get off him! Rob!" His cries turn into yells, until finally his body shoots up vertically. Sweat drips from his forehead whilst panting for his breath back, as his eyes look at each one of us with blown pupils.
"G...G...Gary? Are you OK?" Placing my hand onto his back, immediately he flinches by the unexpected feel of it.
"Uh?!"
"Shhhh...you had a bad dream...that's all...are you OK?"
Looking vague, his eyes latch onto the monitor which has been switched off. "Erh...i...I'm...fine.."
"Sure, mate? Sounded like a pretty nasty dream did that. Wanna talk about it?" Howard scratches his chin, looking even more concerned about Gary than what he did before.
"I just said I'm fine didn't i?!" Gary snaps suddenly, whilst wiping the band of sweat from his face. Me and Howard look at one another with blank expressions. Words fail to leave my lips, maybe there is something wrong with Gary? Something he isn't telling me? Gently i continue to stroke his back in silence.

-------------------

Gary's POV


"Are you sure you're OK, Rob? No more dizziness?" Helping the taller man into his hotel room, i sit him down onto one of the kitchen stools.
"I'm perfectly fine, Gaz. It was the sun, i usually get dizzy when i spend a fair amount of time in it. Nothing to worry about, honest."
I place his bag back into his bedroom, before making my way back into the kitchen where Robbie continues to sit, admiring my movements. "Would you like a drink? I think Mark left a few things in 'ere?"
"Would love one. Ay, nick me some of Mark's apple juice. He'll never finish the thing and I've got a sort of craving for it." He rubs his stomach whilst licking his lips.
"Didn't tell me you were pregnant?" Jokingly i tease him. "How many months?"
"Well by the size of my stomach, I'd say... well over 8 months."
"Oi!" Placing the glass and carton onto the table, lightly i tap him on the arm. "I was joking."
"I know, i know... but losing a bit of weight couldn't hurt, right?"
"You don't need to lose any weight, Rob. You need to keep rested." Undoing the carton, i fill the glass half way with the golden coloured liquid.
"Who knows...maybe exercise could be...er...fun..." Cheekily he pinches my bum, which manages to catch me off guard, causing me to spill some of the apple juice onto the work top.
"Rob..."
"I've missed you, Gaz. I mean... we've got this room all to ourselves, now that Mark's moved into your room...could take a bit of advantage of it..."
Swallowing dryly, i reach for the dish cloth, until Robbie takes a firm grip to my wrist. "Rob...not now."

Still leaving his hand wrapped around my wrist, preventing any movement, he studies my face. "...What's going on, Gaz?"
"N...nothing? I'm just not in the mood. That's all."
"No. I didn't mean just that. I mean your mood... especially in the hospital. You've barely spoken." Silence fills the room again, as my eyes drop to my feet. "See! You're doing that look again."
"I'm not doing any look." Snatching my wrist back, i move towards the sink, where my hands rest onto each side of it. This whole Jason thing is really eating me up. It didn't help either before leaving the hospital today with Howard questioning me whether or not I've spoken to him since yesterday. Maybe Howard's in on it too? Mark also...it wouldn't surprise me... they are the gossipers of the band...can't leave those three alone sometimes. A pair of hands wrap around me, resting onto my stomach which stops my thoughts.
"Sorry..." Quietly a pair of lips whisper against my ear. "I just care about you...that's all."
Sighing softly, i drop my head backwards slightly, allowing Robbie to press his lips against my neck. "I know you do, but i wish you wouldn't. You're the one who needs the looking after..." Moving one of my hands backwards, a finger presses up his shirt, stroking his bare skin which creates goosebumps onto his torso. "I'm being a childish git aren't i?"
"Never, Gaz. You're tired out...Me and Howard didn't help you today either, questioning you and everything."
"Its fine...forget it. I mean... Jason will be OK, you know? He just wants to enjoy time on his own i guess." Biting my tongue, i know exactly that isn't the reason. He's avoiding me as much as he possibly can now, maybe Robbie too.

"That's true...its not like its the first time he's wonded off without a say so and it wont be the last."
"Hmmm... anyway...lets forget all that. If he needs us he'll call us. There's nothing more than what a middle aged man hates other than being treated like a child. Besides we came on this holiday to spend time together, didn't we?" My lips place a kiss against his bicep.
"We sure did..."
"And you need the looking after...and the attention..." Teasingly my finger strokes down from his torso, brushing against the thin line of hair on his skin.
"Uh...huh..."
"Plus...we have the apartment to ourselves..."
A vibration of Robbie's moan, buzzes against my ear. "What are you suggesting, Mr B...?"
Smirking, feeling pleased with myself that I'm slowly sending him into a state before I've even started. "I'd much rather show you...then tell you." Robbie gulps by the change of my voice. He knows exactly what I'm talking about. "...Are you going to direct me to your bedroom, Mr Williams...?" Without hesitation, unclasping his hands from my waist, our fingers interlock with one another, as he begins to slowly walk me into the direction of the bedroom. I know I've already told him I'm not up to anything tonight, but i can't keep mopping around the place otherwise it will make things obvious that I'm hiding something from him and its not just something simple and easily forgotten or forgiven either. I can't lose him and i don't want him to be ill, because of stressing about me. Glancing my eyes up at the light which has been turned on, I'm in the bedroom before i know it. "...Leave it off..." Mumbling under my breath, a finger presses under his chin, bringing his lips back towards mine. Lifting his hand behind him, he fumbles around trying to find the light switch again, as our lips lock together.

Warmth fills my stomach, as our lips move in sync. I've missed this. I've missed being close to him, even if it has been only a short period of time being apart, I'm just thankful that he got the all clear and was able to come home today. Once the light goes out, carefully i push him over to the direction of the bed, where he stumbles over his own feet, dragging the pair of us onto it without breaking the kiss. Arms and legs tangle together, as my hands frantically search for the tie on his shorts. Prying open only one of my eyes, my fingers wrap around the white string which causes his shorts to fall to his ankles. "Gaz..."
Sinking to my knees to the floor, my chin rests on the top of his kneecap. "...Relax..." With a groan, he obeys my instructions. The only way i can see what I'm doing is from the gap in the curtains, allowing the moonlight to shin through. Robbie lays his head into the centre of the bed, whilst his legs wrap around the middle of my back. Hooking two of my fingers down the waistband of his briefs, with one tug i drag them to join his shorts around his ankles. My fingers wrap around his fully hard erection.
"Oh...Gaz..." He twitches in my fist, almost begging me to pleasure him. I would tease him until he cries out my name gaining me the power and satisfaction, but he's still not fully recovered and i don't think i have it in me to go on all night. Delicately i brush my lips over the head of his shaft, as my hand gradually creates friction against his pulsating erection. "Oh yes..."

Closing my eyes, i block out my thoughts, right now isn't the time to get distracted. Swirling my tongue into a circular motion. "Enjoying...?" Opening my mouth i slide his length inside.
"F...fuck...yes..." Robbie stutters, throwing his head backwards against the duvet. Raising his hips to meet my cheeks, he pushes himself deeper into my mouth, testing my gag reflexes. Still, my mind continues to cast back to my dream. A dream i would never want to speak. Sliding my tongue to the base of his shaft whilst its sitting comfortably in my mouth, a finger probes at his entrance before wiggling its way inside, causing a gasp to leave Robbie's mouth. No matter what i do, the visions of the dream are not leaving my thoughts. Shaking my head slightly, another finger is added inside, widening him. "Gary..." Wrapping my tongue around his throbbing member, my teeth skim against the sensitive skin. His voice echoes in my ears, bringing me back to my nightmare. "Gary...please..."

{The writing in Italics and bold is Gary's vision of his dream. The normal writing is reality.}

A hand tightly holds my hands behind my back, whilst my view is darkened by something placed over my head. The atmosphere smells damp and the my back of my neck feels the icy air hitting against it. Squeezing my eyes tighter, i try to ignore it again. Thrusting my fingers in and out of Robbie, before adding a third finger into the mix. "Mmm..." I grunt. The material bag is forcefully ripped from my head, allowing air to reach my mouth and nose clearly. Blinking my eyes, i try and focus on the dark room to try and figure out where exactly i am. Moving my face as close as i can get to Robbie's body, my nose nestles against the dark hair around the base of his member. Slipping my three fingers out of him, without delay i cup him in my palm, before massaging in the same speed as my mouth is working on him. A familiar voice whispers against my ear, as his hands keep a tight grip around my wrists. "I need you to keep your eyes open, Gaz. Don't want'cha to miss it." I know that voice anywhere. Its Jason. Jason Orange, yes my band mate. Doing as he says, weakly i stare in front of me, noticing something moving in the shadows. A hand hits against the floor, which catches my attention as it stays palm down onto the slab, where a small bit of light shines onto it. Feeling panicked, i stare at the hand, scanning my eyes across the tattoo on the knuckles which reads the single word 'Love'.
"Rob..." Painfully i pinch my own leg, trying to bring me out of the dream, as i continue to suck harder and faster onto him. Its no use.

"Help..." A voice is heard after the sighting of the upper limb. "Gary..." Fixing my hand back around Robbie's length, squeezing it tighter into my fist, i move my hand across it as fast as i possibly can, bringing him to his limit. Something is stuck against my lips, preventing any words or screams to leave my mouth. Jason's hands remain on mine. Slowly, Robbie crawls out of the darkness and into my view. Scratches are on his left hand cheek, as the blood seeps down to his chin. His eyes are wide and i don't fail to notice that he's completely naked. The tears drip down both of our faces, almost acting like mirrors. "Gary...Gary!" A hard push hits against my chest, but i choose to ignore it. Feeling completely helpless, Robbie's eyes roll to the back of his head as he drifts in and out of consciousness. Jason strangely lets go of one of my hands. Reaching my now free hand out into Robbie's direction, using his only remaining bit of strength, he stretches his up towards me. Just as our fingertips briefly touch one another, until he's forcefully dragged across the floor. "GARY! GARY!" He shouts loudly in my ears. Suddenly a hard knock against my head, causes me to fall backwards. Snapping open my eyes, I'm now staring up at a ceiling with a salty taste in my mouth. "Gary?! What the hell was that all about?" Crouching down beside me, Robbie's face is full of worry. Holding my head, i press my face against my hands. I'm back to reality. "I'm sorry for pushing you, you...you... just wouldn't let go of me and it was beginning to hurt. Are you OK?"
"R...Rob..." Tears form in my eyes. I can't keep this inside anymore. I can't keep suffering like this. "I...Oh...oh god...Rob..." Uncontrollably my arms throw themselves around the figure, pulling him as close as he can possibly be.
"Oh...Gary...its OK...I'm here...I'm here..." Embracing me into a hug, my tears run down his t shirt.

Chapter 26

Gary's POV

My hands run over my face, trying to absorb what Jason's just confessed. A million questions shoot through my head, causing a slight niggling pain. After a long ten minutes of silence, exhaling a deep breath against my hands i finally speak again. "D...Did... did you help him?"
Jason swallows hard, avoiding the question at first. "Gaz...please don't do this to your-"
"I said, did you help him?"
Gritting his teeth, he gently shakes his head. "N...no..." Leaning against the wall, i look up to the sky, trying to hold back the tears as much as i possibly can, right now i need answers.
"Why?"
"Gaz..." He takes a step closer to me.
"Don't Gaz, me. Tell me why not?!" Loudly i snap, causing him to stop in his actions. Deeply he sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"M...Me...and Rob...we...we erm...haven't seen eye to eye during our career..."
Turning my focus away from the darkening sky, my eyes burn at the side of Jason's head. "Excuse me? Are you actually for fucking real?"
"See...i knew this would happen."
Blinking my eyes into his direction, i shake my head in disbelief. "Do you really think i would be skipping with joy after hearing this?! I'm speechless, literally speechless."
"He doesn't deserve you, Gaz. He really doesn't. You could do so much better." Jason sighs, with a slight frown forming on his face.
"Are you kidding me?! Robbie's the best thing which has ever happened to me."
"Yeah, you say that now...and he might say the same about you, but for how long? How long until his mind changes, because we all know its going to happen. Expect we were waiting for him to change his mind about the band and album, but maybe it wont come to that...instead it might be your relationship." Kicking the dirt in front of him, he begins to walk away. Anger builds in the pit of my stomach, causing me to lash out at my older friend.
"What?!" I spit, whilst grabbing hold of his t shirt, shoving him up against the building. "You're full of surprises tonight, aren't you?!"
"I'm looking out for you, Gary. You've been hurt once and we suffered from it with you. I don't want it all happening again, having history repeat itself."
"Oh, so now this whole situation is about you? Looking out for yourself? Right...so now we get to see the true colours of you. You let something like that happen to Robbie, for what? Revenge?! You're sick!"

"I couldn't step in, could i? The guy was twice my size-"
"So it was ok for him to hurt Robbie? To...to..." The words sicken me even thinking about them. "R...rape him?!"
"Robbie was and still is a tough guy-"
"HE WAS SEVENTEEN. SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD, DAMMIT!" Yelling at the top of my lungs, my fists crash against Jason's chest several times. "How the hell could a young boy defend himself from something like that?"
"Would you of helped him? After being dragged through the media like being dragged through a rose bush and then having salt rubbed in your wounds, as you quoted. Would you help him after having had that done to you?"
"Damn right i would of helped him. No matter what was said or done, even if i witnessed it happening to my worst enemy i wouldn't just sit back and let it happen, anyone with a heart would go out of their ways to help that person. You're twisted, do you know that?!"
"And you're living in a fantasy world. Don't say i didn't warn you. And don't come crying to me when he dumps you. You're making a fool out of yourself, the way Robbie treated me in the band with his harmful little jokes and childish behavior it wouldn't surprise me if i think deep down he deserved what hap-" Jason words are cut off, as my fist makes forceful contact against his perfectly chiseled jaw. "Christ!"
"You son of a bitch! You're a disgrace! Get out of my sight!" My fists clench at the side of me, whilst i watch the man scutter to his feet. Wiping away the blood from his lip, he looks at me, deep in the eyes. As much as i want to beat the crap out of him i can't let Robbie know and i can't end up in jail. He shakes his head, before trailing off into the distance. Watching Jason walk away freely without hardly a scratch on him, my breathing increases and my legs weaken from the thought of what Robbie suffered. Closing my eyes, i take slow, sharp deep breathes, whilst slowly making contact with the floor with my head in my hands.

-----------------

Two hours later than planned, i finally make my way down Robbie's corridor again, this time with a small rucksack containing some of his belongings. Looking down at my fist, i notice it has turned a purple and red colour from hitting Jason, great. peering through the small glass window of the hospital room, Howard is dozing off in the chair beside a sleeping Robbie. Giving it a moment or two, i build up enough courage to open the door. Howard's eyes are immediately drawn to me, as i drop the rucksack on a nearby chair. "Hiya Gaz."
"Ayup, mate. Mark not here?"
"Nah, he got off about half an hour ago. Couldn't keep his eyes open." He rubs his eyes with his index finger, before releasing a yawn.
"Bless him, you better get off too. Thanks again for staying with Rob."
"You're more than welcome. We'll be back tomorrow to check on the pair of you, this time i'll bring him his Minstrels which he's been banging on about." Howard laughs.
"Oh really? Thanks again, How. Send my love to Markie too." Quietly I mumble, still hiding my fist out of sight, as we exchange a friendly hug goodbye.
"See you tomoz, pal." Sleepily he grins, before leaving. My back remains facing Robbie, slowly I close the door behind Howard. At least with Robbie asleep it will give me sometime to collect my thoughts and sometime to help me hatch up a plan over having a bruised hand. After all it will be pretty noticeable to Robbie when he's wanting to hold it. Getting lost in my own world once again, a voice manages to drag me back to reality.

"Gary?" By the sound of the familiar voice, it causes me to close my eyes for a brief moment, to release a heavy sigh. "Gaz?" I tilt my head over my right shoulder, noticing a worried yet tired looking face staring back at me. Gritting my teeth, I manage to pull off enough energy to spin on my heels.
"Hello sleepy." I reply, whilst painting on a smile. "Did I wake you?"
"No, no course not. I'm far too hot to sleep anyway...besides how else was I suppose to get rid of them two, eh?" He playfully prods me. "Mark and Howard were bickering again, so I decided to sleep, at least I got a bit of peace and quiet. Like Husband and wife those two are, good thing you and Jay are the sane ones." Robbie chuckles at his own joke.
"Oh, were they? Guess its the weather." I pretend I didn't hear the last part of his sentence. To be honest me and Jason wouldn't be like a married couple, more like boxer and punch bag, the way I'm feeling about him now. Even his name angers me.

"Yeah, bloody albums cause more trouble than what they're worth." Nodding in agreement at his comment, I force out a fake looking smile, whilst sitting in the empty chair beside his bed. "Anyway...how're you?" He places a hand onto my shoulder, trailing his fingers down my arm, wanting to reach for my hand which is hidden from his view.
"I'm ok..." I shrug, resting my uninjured hand onto the metal bed railing. Robbie squints his eyes and rests his head onto his shoulder. "Just ok? You don't even look that to me...and it didn't sound convincing either..."
"Since when did you become serious?" Playfully I smirk at him.
"Since you changed me into a better man." Faintly I smile at him, quietly huffing. That makes me feel even more guilty. "So...what's wrong, gorgeous? You know you can tell me anything, right?"
"I know, Rob. I appreciate it." Gently I pat the top of his hand.
"Go on then, Captain." He grins. That grin alone sends flutters through my entire body and brings tears to my eyes. The amount of stress, hurt, pain and disappointment he's been through in his life, yet he still manages to push it all away, he's a braver man than me.
"Its...Its...er..." Do I really want to be the one to bring more of those emotions and experiences into his life? After all I've never seen him so happy before and that's not me being big headed. "I...well the thing is..." Shaking my head, I look him in the eyes, allowing a lie escape my mouth. "I...I'm just...worried about you...that's all."

In a matter of seconds, Robbie manages to hutch himself up in bed. "Come here you." Stretching his arms out into my direction, hugely he grins. "The doctor ordered a big Barlow cuddle for my medication." Biting down onto my tongue, regretting my lie ever since it was spoken, very carefully i move towards the pale looking man. My arms lightly wrap around his back, as Robbie tightly embraces his around me, allowing me to nuzzle my nose against the crook of his neck. "I love you, Gaz." Those four words immediately draw tears to my eyes, which thankfully i manage to hold back. Once the hug ends after countless minutes, Robbie glances me up and down. "You look knackered, mate. Did you get any kip before coming back here?" Weakly i shake my head, feeling sorry for myself and incredibly disappointed. "Right..." He sighs, whilst pulling back the thin sheet, revealing his slightly covered body in a hospital gown. "Take your shoes and shorts off. You need a few hours at least, otherwise we'll be getting a visit from the Grim Reaper to take you away." He jokes.

"Rob, I'm fine. Stop fussing about me. You're the one of my mind at the moment, i just want you well again, so we can get out of here."
"Yes, i know that and I am OK. I'm not dying so there's no need to fret, besides you know how much i hate fuss...you can play doctors when we're back in the hotel room, eh?" Robbie cheekily winks, whilst making room in the bed for me to join him.
Sighing softly, i kick off my flip flops, before peeling my short from my legs. "If the nurse yells at me for doing this, you're to blame." Carefully i climb into the bed, settling in the warm space next to him, causing the bed to rock slightly. "Hope its not gonna collapse with my weight on i-"
"Gary!" Gently Robbie taps my arm. "You can knock that off."
"Alright, sorry...sorry..." Rolling onto my left hand side, my back faces Robbie, as my arms wrap around my knees. Almost instant, i feel myself being pulled into a pair of strong inked arms, bringing me back into my safe zone. My heavy feeling eyes, close automatically under Robbie's touch.
"Get some sleep, gorgeous..." His breath tickles against my neck, as he plants kisses along it. Flickering my eye lids, whilst Robbie's lips make contact with my skin, the tears are no longer being held back, as they drip down my cheeks, un be known to Robbie. Rubbing his cheek against my shoulder, slowly he rocks himself to sleep, leaving me silently crying to myself. What on earth am i going to do? I can't tell him, because it would break him and bring back the memories and scars again, but i also can't continue to lie to him. Gripping tighter to his arm for support, as i continue to cry myself to sleep.

Chapter 25

Robbie's POV

"Mr Williams?" Calmly a voice speaks, followed by a light which shines into each one of my eyes. "Can you hear me, Robert?"
Closing my eyes together firmly, i bat away the blinding orange light from my pupils. "Mhmm..." Is all i'm able to moan, still feeling incredibly light headed.
"Do you remember anything which happened with your accident?"
Slowly, i pry open one of my heavy feeling eyes. "A...a..accident?" My speech comes out in short stutters. "W...Where's...G...Gar-" Tilting my hand to the right handside, i notice a worried looking Gary, with a tear stained face.
"Hello you..." Quietly he whispers, as our fingers are interlocked together.
Sighing, weakly i close my eyes again. "Oh, Gaz..."
"Ssssh...its ok...don't go apologising now..." Sympathically he strokes the top of my hand. "Is it ok if we...?"
"Sure. Just make sure he keeps rested. I'll be back in later to give him a final check over, but it is advised that he stays in here at least tonight, in case things change throughout the night." The doctor takes his clipboard containing the paperwork, before leaving.
"Great... now i'm stuck in here whilst i'm meant to be on this hoilday, enjoying myself with you. Well done Robbie, well done."
"Hey..." Gary playfully taps my hand, shuffling closer to the bed enough for him to wrap his free arm around the back of my neck. "I just want you better, besides you can make it up to me by buying me dinner."

Sighing happily, i nuzzle my nose against his neck. My safe zone. "I'll buy you anything in this world... you know that."
"I was joking mate... do you remember anything what happened? About the accident?"
"Vaguely... it just felt like i wanted to be sick or to say something, but i couldn't. Sort of like i was on a rollercoaster? The rest was just a blur."
"This is all my fault." Gary mutters under his breath.
Immediately i raise my head by his comment. "Are you kidding me?" Speaking slightly annoyed over the fact he thinks that.
"It is. I can't believe i put my own feelings first once again, whilst you were silently suffering. What sort of man am i?" Seeing Gary upset pains me deeply.
"The best. You are a good man Gary Barlow and i bloody wish you would believe it when i and others say it." Taking his hands in mine, softly i place a kiss on the top of them. "I love you..."
Looking defeated by my words, for the first time he decides to surrender from the discussion. "I love you too..." Peacefully he looks at me. "At least we can spend a nice quiet afternoon tog-" Unexpectedly the door swings open, catching the pair of us off guard. Mark comes rushing into the room, gripping to the bottom of my bed.
"Rob?! Are you ok, mate?" His eyes show pure panic and worry. Within a second Howard joins him, pulling at his shoulder, trying to calm the small male down. Pulling back my duvet slightly, i sit up comfortably in my bed.
"I'm a little woozy, but honestly guys I'm fine." Giving them all a convincing smile, Jason is the last to enter the room.
"Gary texted me about you collapsing and i-"

Gently Howard nudges Mark, trying to quieten the worried man. "Its good to see you're OK, Bob. Got us all worried, especially this one..." He playfully glances down at Mark, who is still clinging onto the bed frame. "...Glad you wasn't alone either... good thing you was there, Gary...you're a true...er...friend?" Looking at mine and Gary's hands which are still in contact with one another, happily he smiles at the pair of us. "So its official then? The two of you?"
Gary looks at me for a bit of guidance, still unsure what to say, as his sweating palm twitches against mine.
"Sure is... and i couldn't be happier..." Placing a hand onto Gary's tensed knee, i give it a squeeze. Out the corner of my eye, i catch Jason shake his head, as his full attention is being given to his phone.
"Well...in that case... congratulations... really made up for the pair of you...aren't we lads?" Howard pats my leg through the duvet.
"Of course we are... no matter what, you both have our full support." Mark adds, reassuring us. "Right, Jason?" All eyes are drawn towards the door, where Jason continues to sit, away from the four of us.
"Uh? Oh...yeah...right...full support." He mumbles into his phone, still avoiding eye contact. Thankfully I'm not the only one seeing this side of Jason, as Mark's worriedly scratches his neck, unsure of Jason's behaviour.
"Are you alright, Lander?" Gary rises an eyebrow over into his direction.
"Yes." He snaps back, before standing to his feet. "Erh...I've gotta get off. Need to make a few calls, you know how family is. Catch you later, maybe. Hope you feel better soon, Rob." Before any of us get chance to question or answer him, he's gone, out the door in a flash. Howard bites his tongue, feeling the room begin to tense up over the situation. Clapping his hands together, he pulls up two chairs for him and Mark to sit on, around my bed.
"So... i think now would be a good time to have that chat which we were going to have today? Now... start from the beginning... you pair of love birds..."

Gary's POV

Kissing Robbie's temple, carefully i pull the duvet up towards his naked chest. "I love you..." Mumbling against his ear, i place a gentle kiss against his cheek, as he quietly snores in his deep sleep.
"Don't worry, mate...we'll keep an eye on him." Mark strokes my arm, grinning up to me as Howard hands him over a plastic cup of coffee.
"You look knackered, Gaz. Maybe you should have at least an hour's rest yourself before coming back here?" As much as i feel like sleeping for the next fifty years, right now Robbie needs me. Declining his offer, i take the apartment keys to go and collect some fresh clothes for Robbie.

Partly closing my eyes, i walk along the beach's pavement. The saltiness of the air fills my nostrils, which i breathe in a long, happy, intake of breath. We're so privileged to have such understanding friend's in our lives, not many would be sticking by us, especially not with the state of mind people are now a days. Kicking a stone along the gravel, something catches my eye... or should i say someone? A middle aged man, wearing a grey cardigan, sits alone drowning his sorrows and thoughts in a glass of whiskey. Thinking to myself for no longer than five seconds, i decide to trail off into his direction. After a short walk, i arrive at the half empty bar. "Jase?" Even speaking so quietly, he already had sensed i was around. "How did the call go?" Its obvious that he didn't need to make a call, this is Jason we're talking about, the guy who still carries cassettes around when wanting to listen to music, he's the least technical person when it comes to the twenty - first century.
"S'alright." Downing the remaining liquid in his glass, it clinks against the empty glass on the table.
"Family, ok?"
"Yeah uh." Since I've arrived here, he hasn't looked at me once. Pulling back a chair opposite him, i place my hands onto the table. Awkwardness fills the air for a whole five minutes, words rest on the tip of my tongue, but fail to budge.

"Its great that Robbie's ok, isn't it?"
Releasing a sigh, Jason rolls his eyes up to mine, finally making eye contact. "Gaz, why are you here? I wanted a quiet drink to myself, haven't you got places to be? People to be with?"
"Yeah, i do, but i want to know what the deal with you is..." Tightness appears in my throat, already i can hear the words which are dying to leave his mouth. 'What you and Robbie are doing is wrong.' 'I can't support you both on this.' 'I think its a good idea if i back out of this album, with the pair of you in a relationship isn't making me want to stay' Shaking my head, i brush away the negative thoughts. Surly Jason isn't this type of man, we've known each other for the entire length of our careers and he's never shown anything against gay relationships, so there's got to be another reason as to why he's acting like this.
"The deal with me?" Sarcastically he laughs. "Listen Gaz, I've got better things to do other than listening to you and Robbie plan to skip off into the sunset." Pushing back his chair, he heads off again.
"What's that suppose to mean? Are you against the whole idea of us two?" Following his movements, my hand rubs my tired feeling eyes. "Honestly... i never thought you'd react this way."
"I don't have anything against these type of relationships. Its people's decisions and i don't have control over their lives, so good on them, but it seems some people have a colourful history, background even, which seems to just go over their heads."
Standing still, with a confused expression on my face, i allow him to continue his walk. "What's that suppose to mean? Me and Rob have put our differences aside, we're happy? Isn't that what matters at the end of the day? We love each other, Jay. Whether you agree with that or not I'm sorry bu-"
"You're in love with one another? Or he's in love with your power?" Already, Jason regrets the words which he's spoken. Swallowing dryly, his head drops backwards slightly as he walks ahead still.

Picking up my pace, i try and keep up with him. "What's that suppose to mean? What power do i have which Robbie doesn't? This isn't a money situation, clearly, not the position the pair of us are in, so what is it?"
"Its nowt, Gaz. Just forget i said anything, OK?"
"No." Stopping his footwork, my hand grips tightly to his shoulder. "I want to know what you mean by that." My heart rate increases, due to the anger building inside of me.
"Gaz, honest just le-"
"I want answers!" Rising my voice, i push him (not too forcefully, but enough to stop him escaping the question again) against an abandoned building near the sea front. His eyes close for a brief moment, as he sucks in a deep breath. After a few seconds, he finally gives in knowing there's no chance of avoiding this or getting himself out of the situation.
"I...I...erh...I...kn...know..." The two worded reply comes out in a silent tone. The confusion just continues to rise more and more into this conversation.
"You know? What exactly do you know? You mean you knew about me and Robbie sneaking around, because Mark's already briefly told us th-"
"No." Jason cuts into my sentence, instantly shutting me up. "Its not that..."
Scratching my stubble, trying to make sense of the riddles he's feeding me, my eyes never leave his, even if he does keep constantly avoiding mine. "Well... go on then? This can go on all night if it has to."
"Alright, alright." Holding his hands up in defeat, he surrenders. "Way back before you and Rob got together or even considered getting this far. The time the pair of you were at one another's throats..." He takes a final deep breath, before blabbing. "Twenty odd years ago... you know..."
"Know what?" Stepping closer to him, i feel the disappointment he has in himself.
"I...I...was...I was there... when... erm...the whole thing happened... with Nigel...and Rob...I saw it all..." Jason bows his head, looking ashamed. Backing away slowly, i refuse to believe my ears. He's not telling me he was there when Robbie got 'attacked' by Nigel's friend, is he?

Chapter 24

Robbie's POV

Wiping away the band of sweat from my eyebrows, it doesn't feel real. Mark stares vaguely at his knee which is resting on the bed beside me. Did he even say that? Or am i just hearing which could be said one day? "S...sorry, what?" Finally after a whole 5 minutes of silence, i'm the first to speak.
"You know what i said, Robbie." His voice quietens each time he speaks, causing Gary's heart rate to increase, almost as if his heart is pounding against the bed underneath the pair of us.
"And i don't know what you mean by it? I haven't seen Gary today."
"Will you please just stop lying?!" For the first time, something inside of Mark snaps, like he's had enough of the games. Mark is the type of man to take things on his shoulders, he can carry problems around for years without complaining, but now... now it's like he's a whole different man. "There's no point pretending anymore... just say it... admit it?" Closing my eyes, i take a long intake of breath. What can i do? There's no escaping, Gary is under the bed. "I can easily look under the bed, i know i'll find a middle aged, blonde, Northern male under there."

Surprisingly, i'm suddenly calm over the matter, to be honest i'm annoyed that i'm being questioned like i'm a criminal. Its mine and Gary's lives, why do we have to be treated like this by one of our closest friends?
"And what gives you that idea? I mean why the hell would Gary be hiding underneath my bed?" Snapping at the smaller male, i hoist myself up in bed by my elbows. Not saying a word, carefully Mark raises a finger, pointing into the direction of Gary's flip flops, which have been placed on the floor. Of course, its obvious.
"Not your style, ay Rob?" A curvy smile appears on his glum looking face. Feeling defeated, i let go, there's no other way to get out of this.

"When did you find out?"
"Maybe...we should talk? Just the three of us? Gaz... laying under there isn't going to do any favours for your back..." Lifting up the duvet, the pair of us wait for Gary to slide from under the bed. After a minute or two, he also finally surrenders.
"Bet you guys hate us now, for lying." Gary stands at the side of the bed, acting like a school boy who's about to get yelled at.
"No." Mark's jaw almost drops to his knees in shock. "Never could we hate you, either of you... i guess... i mean... I'm disappointed." Hearing our friend's words, i sense the guilt coming from Gary's hurting body. Dropping onto the edge of the bed, his hands run over his aching face.
"We...we didn't mean for it to come out like this, Mark."
"You could of told us, Gaz. We're your friends and i guess that's why we're upset over it all. We've all been there for one another since the band was put together..."
Sliding closer to Gary, i place a supportive hand onto his back. "For once... we wanted to enjoy something. Neither of us knew things would lead to this, but its bloody beautiful what me and Gary have. We were going to confess, you guys first, family then the fans. After speaking last night, today we were actually going to tell you and that's the honest truth."
"It didn't look like you were going to confess... why would Gary hide under the bed?"
"Because-"
"Why the questions? Does it matter if we were going to confess or not? We're middle age men, stop treating us like we're kids. You of all people, i thought you would be the most understanding, you've always been there for me and you've always been there for Robbie. Do you not like that two men are attracted to one another?!" Loudly Gary snaps.

Mark acts like a mirror to my emotions. "N...no... of course i don't have a problem with that Gary. I'm happy that you two are happy its just-"
"The reason why we didn't tell anyone was, because we didn't want anyone to interfere! I'm new to all these feelings, I've missed Robbie and i don't want to muck things up. I'm scared."
"I understand you, Gaz. I really do." Edging closer to Gary, i notice his tear stained face behind his palms. "But-"
Gary cuts in again. "There's no buts Mark! ....ugh... Just go... i can't be doing with this at the moment...my head is fucked and I'm going to make decisions I'm going to regret later on." Mark looks up at me, unsure what to say or do. Passing over a soft friendly smile, i nod towards the door, as my hand continues to stroke Gary's back for comfort.
"Ok... I'll go, but the lads want us to all have a chat tonight around 7ish... please do whatever you can to convince one another to come along. I'm always going to support your decisions Gary... i made a promise that i would be there for you no matter what when Robbie left... and same to you Rob... i love you both with all my heart, never would i want to see either of you upset..." He pats the top of my hand which still rests on Gary's back. "Give us a text to let us know you're coming...that's all i ask... sorry again." With that, Mark disappears out of the door, leaving me and Gary alone once again.

Gary's hands remain over his face, hiding his upset over all this. "Coffee?" Quietly i mutter. A gentle nod is all i get from the smaller male. "We're in this together, Gaz. I'm never going to leave you...again... i promise you..." Planting a kiss against his neck, i squeeze his hand before drifting towards the kitchen, still with a wobbly head. A sickness swirls around my stomach, causing my throat to feel heavy, almost as if its blocked preventing my speech. Taking deep breathes i hold onto the worktop, with my mouth hovering over the sink. "What's happening to me?" It feels as if I've just ran an four hour marathon. Blackness covers my eyes, a blindfold? No surly? I'm hallucinating?
"Rob?" Blurriness blocks my view. "Rob...are you OK?" The voice gets deeper and deeper until its inaudible.
"H...Hel..." Groaning loudly, i step backwards searching for the worktop for support, until i feel myself falling. My head forcefully makes contact with the stone kitchen tile flooring, creating complete darkness.